It’s been a while, I️ started out writing this blog about a year ago, and unintentionally took a break about 8 months ago. The words haven’t left me, the passions God had placed inside me haven’t changed, but getting words on a piece of paper seems impossible. Almost like I️ have forgotten how to share the thing stirring inside of my heart. Even today as I️ sit in a Starbucks trying to organize my thoughts, the idea of posting again terrifies me. What if the words that I️ was supposed to write no longer apply, what if the passions inside me are perceived in the wrong way. So much doubt plagues my inner thoughts, yet I️ know that this is something I️ am supposed to do.
As I️ have shared before I️ am currently walking in the role of Community Life Coordinator at Little Country Church in Redding California. This not so “little” church in the middle of Redding (not in the country) has been my home church for almost 9 years and I️ have had the opportunity to be on staff for almost 3 years now. I️ moved from youth ministry about 18 months ago, and have had the opportunity to develop a life group ministry, oversee our First Impression team and work on many of our Church Community Events. I️ am getting to walk in so many of my gifts, and learning of gifts I️ was not aware I️ had.
I have seen a church latch on to the idea that we are not meant to just sit in a chair, but be known by the body of believers around us. I️ have seen people who have sat next to strangers for 10 years realize that God had placed them next to each other with purpose. People from the masses realizing that God had called them to more, and equipped them for more.
I️ have realized in myself that in this role I️ had not expected I️ was too equipped for more. Over and over I️ have seen goals be surpassed, not because of what I️ did, but because God has a plan for my life in ministry and has chosen to use me. I️ have realized in my life that God has huuuge (say it in a Trump voice) plans for my life. Those times that I️ don’t know how to move forward, He is using to build me and mold me in to the minister of the gospel that He plans for me to be.
This journey has been difficult, which is partially why I️ haven’t written consistently in about 8 months. I️ have had difficulty being real because I️ am scared that people will think I️ was weak, or think that I️ am not appreciative of the opportunities in ministry that I️ have been given.
And He said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.
Daily I️ get to choose to follow Him. Daily I️ have to lay down my pride and choose to pursue Him in all that I️ do.
There are days that I️ fail miserably, most actually. Days that I️ am broken down and defeated, days that I️ get home wondering if this life of ministry is really worth it.
Then there are days when I️ am reminded of the why. I️ am shown the lives that have been transformed, the families who have been restored, and the individuals who were broken and alone and now are doing life with other believers, engulfed in community.
I️ choose to do this daily because despite my short comings, God still chooses me as His “plan A”. I️ write this because despite your short coming He still chooses YOU as His “plan A”.
On a regular basis I️ have people from the church criticize every detail of who I️ am, my looks, my weight, the changes I️ am a part of at LCC. I️ have been told I️ hate old people (which I️ promise I️ do not), I️ have had people tell me I️ don’t respect the Lord because of how I️ dress, I️ have been encouraged to lose weight, been told to gain weight, I️ have been told my beard looks horrible, I️ have been told I️ look better with facial hair (right after I️ shave). But I️ will choose to walk in this every day for the rest of my life if it means one more person can experience the love and comfort of Jesus Christ.
And to be honest, it doesn’t matter what they think, it doesn’t matter what they say, I️ am learning to be confident in the man God created me to be, and I️ think the man God created me to be looks good no matter what I️ am wearing! Cop glasses and all.
I️ am his “Plan A”. Each moment of this journey is preparing me to be used by Him the following day the day after that and so many days to come. I️ will choose daily to pick up my cross, to follow him even if I️ am broke and hungry. Whether it be in Redding, or be in a 3rd world country, I️ am willing and ready. Lord use me.
I️ won’t commit to writing on a weekly basis, but I️ do commit to writing down the things God is placing on my heart.